Dad Jokes So Bad They Loop Back Around to Genius

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field. If you groaned, congratulations: you are now legally a dad. Here are a few more where that came from.

The Groan Scale

We rate every dad joke on a five-point groan scale, from polite exhale to full eye-roll with audible sigh.

• Level 1: a gentle nose laugh
• Level 3: the slow head shake
• Level 5: someone leaves the room

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Mel Brooks

If you groaned, the joke worked. If you laughed, please seek help.

A quick note on how this post came together: the idea arrived in our tips inbox, survived two editorial meetings, one argument about whether it was actually funny, and a vote that was decided by the office cat walking across the keyboard. We cleaned it up, checked every detail, and added only the jokes we could defend in front of our mothers.

The Part Where We Explain Ourselves

We collected the worst dad jokes our readers could find. Some of them are accidentally brilliant. We tested every line on at least three coworkers, one houseplant, and a very patient delivery driver. Two out of five laughed, which in comedy is basically a standing ovation.

There is a science to this, sort of. The best jokes are short, specific, and a little bit true. They make you picture something you have seen before, then twist it just enough that your brain trips over its own feet. That tiny stumble is the laugh. Everything else is timing, and timing is mostly knowing when to stop talking.

Which is exactly what we should do now. But before we go, a confession: half of these were rejected the first time we pitched them. Our editor wrote “no” in the margin, then “fine” underneath it, then a small drawing of a frog. We are still not sure what the frog means, but we have decided to take it as a compliment.

Got a better one? Leave it in the comments below. The best reader submission each week gets pinned, framed, and read aloud at our Friday stand-up, whether you like it or not.