My Toddler Negotiates Better Than My Boss

I have sat through contract negotiations with lawyers. None of them prepared me for a three-year-old who wants a cookie and has nowhere else to be.

Notes From the Negotiating Table

Parenting is ninety percent negotiation and ten percent looking for the other shoe. These are field notes from the front line.

• Never agree to “just one more” anything
• Bedtime is a suggestion, apparently
• The quiet room is the dangerous room

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger

Hang in there. Nap time is coming, eventually, for somebody.

A quick note on how this post came together: the idea arrived in our tips inbox, survived two editorial meetings, one argument about whether it was actually funny, and a vote that was decided by the office cat walking across the keyboard. We cleaned it up, checked every detail, and added only the jokes we could defend in front of our mothers.